Viven Vine : Our Firsts

[00:00:00]

Yelena: Welcome to Vixen vine, where foxes tell their stories and give advice. 

Yelena: It's Alaina. 

Alyssa: And Alyssa. 

Yelena: So this is going to be effort first podcast. And we decided that we were going to discuss. Our first. First and a lot of things. Let's dive into our first relationship. All right. 

Alyssa: So are we really getting into like more of our first sexual relationship today? Or. Yeah,

Yelena: let's do the sexual relationship. 

Yelena: Let's let's just dive right 

Alyssa: in. All right. 

Alyssa: Yeah, mine was that. Kind of a crazy experience. I was staying the night at my best friend's house. And I was like really into her brother at the time, her older brother. And So it was night and of course we were. 14. Well, I was 14. And wait. We decided to kind of get like, [00:01:00] you know a little crazy. You have a little fun and me and my best friend went over to her brother's room. 

Alyssa: Where he was sharing. Like the room with his best friends. So. Me and her brother were on the bottom bar. And here's that spread around. That's outbound. And we ended up losing her virginity. At the same time, me and my best friend. Yes. Oh, yeah, 

Alyssa: troublemaker. So, yeah. I spent the weekend over there and it was, it was interesting. But now like that. More experienced. But 

Yelena: I understand that all too well. And 

Alyssa: And it's funny too, because my first kiss didn't happen. And so after my first time having sex. So. A little pots list there. And 

Yelena: look backwards there. Right? 

Yelena: Yeah, my wasn't [00:02:00] that rate. I wasn't memorable. It was more of a disappointment memory. I feel that. Because it was literally okay. So me and my boyfriend at the time. We were constantly doing the. What. We're horny teens, do the whole dry humping, Nan. And the, the grinding and the. Everything else, but penetration. 

Yelena: Yeah. 

Yelena: We are completely wrong at that age. Anyways. But. My mom said it killed me. She hears this. So she didn't ended up leaving. Only not even 20 minutes. Not even 20 minutes. She left me. My boyfriend alone. 

Yelena: And this motherfucker decided that this was the best [00:03:00] time to decide that he was going to get it. 

Yelena: And I got bent over my Ottoman. Oh, right. A few thrusts in and I ran to the bathroom because my mom told me. 

Alyssa: I guess neither one. Really a decent experience for our first 

Yelena: time. I kind of wish it was more. 

Yelena: How do I explain it? 

Yelena: I am glad. I have experiences that I have, cause it makes me the person I am. But there's experiences. I wish it didn't have just because. It would have been a lot better. And that was probably one of them. I wish it was completely different. 

Alyssa: No, I definitely can understand [00:04:00] that because if I could go back like, 

Alyssa: Granted that situation, me losing my virginity and the room with two other people that would possibly losing their virginity. Like it's set me up for my like sexual experiences now, like just. Kind of how out there I am and straight forward. And I don't care if someone else isn't around, like, It kind of set me up for that. 

Alyssa: If I could go back, I would probably at least switch the person that was with. Amen. 

Yelena: Yeah. 

Alyssa: No. And it doesn't help that not only did. I get into that way too early before I knew anything like any consequences or anything. No. Yeah. Speaking of consequences. I ended up. Getting pregnant when I lost my virginity. At 14. Oh, Which The pregnancy. I did end up having a miscarriage. 

Alyssa: But teenagers don't think about [00:05:00] that. Kind 

Yelena: of stuff. Like my ex was trying to get me pregnant. He wanted me to be a teen mom. That shit was scary. 

Alyssa: I mean, I was 18. But when I actually became a mom that. Tina Jean motherhood's not from. 

Yelena: Yeah, but at that time, what was going on? Oh no, you know what? I'm going to say that to the next podcast, because that's a different topic that can go into that. Nevermind. Anyways, moving. 

Yelena: Did you end up having a relationship? Like a personal relationship with the person that you lost your virginity to 

Alyssa: afterwards. Yeah. Funny story. 

Yelena: So we 

Alyssa: did end up. That. Okay. We dated before that. Okay. And then we were on a break when we lost her virginity to each other. And then we ended up getting back together. 

Alyssa: After that for a little while, but then when he turned 18 and I was only, I think, 16. [00:06:00] His parents were like, oh my gosh, you can't be with her. You're 18. She's only 16, even though that's the age of consent. And so we ended up splitting up. But then years later he randomly got a hold of me. And I drove. 

Alyssa: Five hours to go pick him up and save him. And then we got back together for like a year or two. And then I actually. 

Yelena: So, yeah, it's. And that the whole thing 

Alyssa: was just, yeah. I guess I wish I could go back and change. 

Yelena: I get that. 

Yelena: So was that also a part of your light? 

Yelena: I would say your first breakup. We'll have you never know? It wasn't my 

Alyssa: first breakup. I've had like boyfriends before then, but not saying that. Are you serious? I still like broke my heart. Oh yeah. 

Yelena: He, yeah. You know, the little [00:07:00] cute. 

Yelena: Yeah. Yeah. But I've 

Alyssa: got to say he probably hurt me worse than anybody else as. 

Yelena: And so that one by. The guy that I was just talking about The reason we broke up. As because. We were constantly fighting. And I got 

Alyssa: really, really 

Yelena: bad. One day. And. 

Yelena: Well, You tried to take my life. Oh, Yep. I had basically. 

Alyssa: Whiplash from how he was 

Yelena: like, Hitting my head against the wall and stuff. 

Yelena: But your girl punched him in the face, said. Gave him a bloody lip. It was like, you never gonna touch me again. And I was right and I left it. I stood my ground. [00:08:00] That day. That's about 

Alyssa: how my relationship ended with my first. Like, well, this is years later when. Reconnected. He ended up being pretty abusive and he was pushing me around one day. That's like a pocket knife. 

Alyssa: Out of my pocket. And the data is stuck in the wall. But then I hit him. I didn't hurt him, 

Alyssa: but it was like a warning type of thing. Like, don't touch me again. I bet you people's like this 

Yelena: bitch is like an assassin. And careful. 

Alyssa: He 

Yelena: ran real quick after that. 

Yelena: And someone on. Oh, 

Alyssa: He stole my car. So get back to where he was living at the time. And. You know, we did everything we needed to, to try to get it back with this dude. Abandon my car, two hours away from where I live with the keys inside, install the entire radio system out of it and gave it to his ex as a birthday present. [00:09:00]

Yelena: Holy shit. Yeah. And I thought one of my ex's having his friends pack my shit out of his apartment was bad. 

Yelena: Holy shit. Yeah. So you're caught. 

Yelena: Whoa. I 

Alyssa: know you were angry. Yeah. And it was the first car I ever purchased. Like the first car I. 

Yelena: that's. That's not cool. If he's, if he's listening to this. You know who you are, you.

Yelena: Stealing people's cars. 

Alyssa: Is that DTA? Brew. 

Alyssa: Yeah. The video game. So. [00:10:00]

Yelena: Yeah, so. So as Smith is specifically to you. GTA bruh. So stop dropping RO just chill the fuck out. So 

Alyssa: we talked about our first with guys, but I know we both have had a first with a woman. Oh, is this true? So. What. 

Alyssa: Well, it was like your first. Like sexual experience. 

Yelena: Girl or a woman. So. 

Yelena: Oh, God, I was I was dating this guy. And him and his buddy had this trailer. And he had like a bunch of people like come over and stuff like that. 

Yelena: Well, after everyone was first, we still had a couple of friends [00:11:00] spending the night. And one of them was this girl and she goes up to my boyfriend was like, can I kiss your girlfriend? 

Yelena: But it 

Alyssa: was really cute though. 

Yelena: True. And then no worries. I get my face cupped and she kissed me. And later on. It was just him, like viewing everything happening between her and me and. This is when I was like still teenager. I was like, it was like 19 when this happened. Well, I was so, so like, 

Yelena: Sheltered as a child like religiously. So like my brain instantly went to Gaza. Might be gone since maybe. 

Yelena: so. [00:12:00]

Yelena: she calls me down. And so my boyfriend and I lived there, it was like, Can you go into the other room? So. Like it's my boyfriend. Oh, 

Alyssa: So bad. 

Yelena: The quarter. 

Alyssa: But I get it though, late. I get it, but 

Yelena: that was, that was a ride. I felt so bad. I say I was, I was apologizing. I was like, boom. 

Yelena: Oh, God. 

Alyssa: Diverse live. My 

Yelena: 19th birthday. It was also your 90 day. 

And, 

Alyssa: and so my boyfriend at the time. Was over. And I was having a little party and whatnot, and most of the people left and this one girl. 'cause you ain't going to stay there. Hang out with us. I already, I had a, like, I think she was like three months old [00:13:00] at the time. My daughter.

Yelena: And so she was like standing at helping 

Alyssa: with the baby so I could relax on my birthday. Yeah. 

Yelena: And we ended up hanging out in the 

Alyssa: bedroom and I don't know what started it. Exactly. Right. All of a sudden my dark clothes. So start coming off and all of us have kind of, you know, Doing the foreplay stuff. Except not legit for a full day. Because, you know, I was still young. 

Yelena: Yeah, it does the things that you learn. 

Yelena: Watching videos is not the way. Right. You have to learn your, like your body yourself in order to have your partner or your body. 

Alyssa: Yeah. So come to find out afterwards. And it took her virginity. 

Yelena: Yeah. 

Alyssa: Breesa my first experience with a woman and that three seven. That's how she lost her virginity. 

Yelena: Well, this, now we need to bring that person. [00:14:00]

Alyssa: Like view of it. Perspective. 

Yelena: Yeah, it was, it was 

Alyssa: interesting that I don't remember much of it. I found it. 

Yelena: So quick thing. Any drama come about from having sex with somebody or someone assuming you're having sex with somebody. I mean the whole situation I just described. She. 

Alyssa: Said that we raped her. Oh, I get to the cops and it definitely wasn't, I'm the kind of person where I look. I love to help other people before myself. 

Yelena: And she was 

Alyssa: just like, oh yeah, I never consented. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm sitting here, like I don't. And I've done anything. If 

Yelena: it wasn't consensual. Right. Aye. I'm 

Alyssa: being on a sexual [00:15:00] assault victim. I know how that feels. 

Yelena: I'm not gonna, yeah. So that, that whole thing was 

Alyssa: drama. She doesn't even talk to me anymore, but it wasn't 

Yelena: because of that. 

Yelena: So 

Alyssa: like, yeah, that was all pretty easy. And then the same guy that I was with at that time nother drama, he was just a bunch of drama. I found out that he was sleeping with her behind my back. And then also sleeping with my other best friend at the time behind my back. And I found out because I caught them kissing and my bathroom 

Yelena: at my house. 

Yelena: Yeah. 

Yelena: Oh, I'm throwing hay. I'm going to I'm. I'm bound by being in I'm not dorm. Like I know

Alyssa: what's happening. I know what's 

Yelena: happening. Oh, my heart. Ooh. Yeah. You're a strong woman. There's another 

Alyssa: one that was like completely drama filled. Like I should've bet on Jerry's for her, for this shit. [00:16:00] And we're going to have to save that for another podcast. Cause it's gonna take a while to 

Yelena: talk about. 

Yelena: I'm saving, I'm saving my throttle experience for another one. But But it's, it's going to be interesting. Yeah. There was this one time. Ironically. So me about the same guy. But this is before anything happened with the thermal. This is when I was like 18. But. 

Yelena: I don't know how it happened. Exactly. But she shouldn't have been there. She was gone. And it was his ex-girlfriend. And I got left at a party at his house. From a friend that jockey like came with me and drove me there. But then like later on found out he left. And I was stuck there. Right. You find out later. 

Yelena: I don't pick up my brother and I was like, You could have, I could have went with you. I didn't need to stay [00:17:00] here. Right. I don't know anyone else here besides the dude who owns the house. And then all of his roommates are these like, Creepy older guys that were like massaging my bag at random times. 

Yelena: At the party, it was really weird, but fast forward to the incident. The girl had. Come back the next day. I had fallen asleep. One of his friends that had fallen asleep. And so did he fall asleep on his bed? So Sue Dukes and me on this bed knocked the fuck out. Cause we were all just like. Completely hammered. 

Yelena: The dude. Leaving. I wake up. So does he, the dude that I was seeing. Wakes up and I'm trying to grab a remote, send things and I'm wearing a very loose t-shirt. 

Yelena: Tits, pop out. She walks in. 

Yelena: And the [00:18:00] way it looks, it looks like. I am hovering. And so she's instantly pissed and we're like, This is not exactly how it's looking. Right. But later on me and him ended up actually hooking up. But at this point, in this time, he didn't. So like, And this time. I'm in my head. Like she thinks I'm whore. 

Yelena: She's been somewhat sloughed. Oh my God. Oh my God. But then like later in life, I'm like, I don't care what other people think. But at this time period, I was just like in my head and this, like, what is this going to go? And then she started a whole thing on the internet. Yeah, she, she was calling him out. She was calling me out. 

Yelena: I, I tweeted about her and quoted tech nine. Like. It was a whole like, War between her and me. Over something [00:19:00] that shouldn't have been right over something that never happened. Yeah. 

Alyssa: Until later it happened. 

Yelena: Yeah. 

Alyssa: Yeah. 

Yelena: And I was just like, I'm trying to 

Alyssa: see here. Oh, aye. I've got a story that was drama though. I forgot about this one. It actually just came up in conversation the other day. So I had my little group of friends when I was like, I don't know. 1819. I had a really tight group of friends. I lived in a trailer park. 

Alyssa: So like all of us teenagers. And the trailer park would walk around, hang out, do stupid stuff. And So my mom knew a lot of my friends and this one guy who was a little bit older than me. She ended up sleeping. Sorry, mom, if. You're listening at all. Well, I didn't know about it. And. A year or two later, [00:20:00] we were still like hanging out and talking and then we ended up sleeping together. 

Alyssa: Oh, this 

Yelena: dudes. Whoa. 

Alyssa: like if I can't have 'em to. I get there. I'm a Stella vitamin. What part? Like. 

Alyssa: Yeah, I don't even remember who ended up telling me is that with my mom and I'm. I really like. Why are you going to go with my friends? You. Well, technically, I didn't know, like you guys were that close. I didn't know that there was anything going on with. 

Alyssa: And I'm like, well, I didn't know anything was going on between y'all either. We were just people with. I'm doing like, okay. So, yeah, it wasn't necessarily 

negative 

Yelena: drama. Well, that was some, that's some drama. 

Yelena: That's a, maybe not Jerry Springer field, but maybe some Mari. 

Yelena: Now 

Alyssa: the [00:21:00] one relationships I'd say definitely we should have been on a talk show. For the other situation. And I can't wait. What about it? 

Yelena: So we just messaged me. 

Alyssa: My yeah. 

Yelena: Yeah. She was just saying, hi. 

Alyssa: She's the one. No, she's 

Yelena: so such a precious being. Okay. Viewers and listeners and. All the. Little boxes out there. This cat right here is taken by a man in. I am. 

Yelena: So. 

Yelena: This is my. 

Yelena: I would say my [00:22:00] second polyamorous relationship. 

Yelena: But it kind of grew into one, if that makes sense. Because me and this girl, we were really close friends prior to everything happening. And then. Just one day, we decided that we were going to take a trip and then we solidified everything. And it was during the same time I was getting together with this other guy. 

Yelena: So. I discussed it with both of them and they were okay with me having. Each other. Each one of them as a partner. 

Alyssa: So. Yeah, I think that's really cool. Like when I was in my last relationship, I asked all the time. 

Alyssa: Can I have a girlfriend, I just want a girlfriend. And he would always tell me. Yeah, but. I just 

Yelena: never. And like the crazy thing is, is like a lot of, it's not even sexual. Yeah. It's more of having a [00:23:00] close female connection to the point that you are able 

Alyssa: to just censor yourself and be yourself. Right. 

Yelena: Because there's some things that guys can not. Like fulfill for you, but women can. They try their best. I will say that they will, they will do their fucking damn as well. There is something else. Just huddling a female. This is something else. I know 

Alyssa: how women want to be like treated and touched and loved and. 

Alyssa: Like, I don't know. It's just, it's a different type of love. And connection with a woman versus a man. Not 

Yelena: that there's anything wrong. Yeah. There's nothing wrong at all. I mean, that's questionable. Well, 

Yelena: There there is. 

Yelena: Majority of the men. There's nothing wrong with. 

Alyssa: I was joking by the way. [00:24:00] Don't come for me. 

Yelena: I'm trying so hard not to cough. Right. Now that's hard. 

Yelena: And over. There's being sick. 

Yelena: And 

Alyssa: then I'm old, you're here, swaying back and forth to. At home with still ADHD. 

Yelena: How, how does. How does that help? Like affected your relationship, having ADHD. It depends. 

Alyssa: My last relationship. You also had ADHD. So we understood. But Jamie. Yeah. For the longest time though, like, I didn't know that it was ADHD and I thought it was just pure anxiety and like bipolar 

Yelena: acting up or.

Yelena: That's what's going on with me and, well, that's 

Alyssa: how it comes out in woman. Is more of a emotional or talking a lot, or sometimes you'll sleep way too much. And sometimes you 

Yelena: can't sleep at all. I know our intervals. And then there's 

Alyssa: [00:25:00] times where like, you'll have racing thoughts and think it's righty, but 

Yelena: it's women. 

Yelena: Oh, missed. 

Alyssa: And host with ADHD often and they turn it more into, oh, it's PTSD and bipolar and anxiety. Oh, it's depression. And they don't really look into it because you don't necessarily have the hyperactivity of right. Physical, but more of hyperactivity of the brain. And so. I didn't know for most of my relationships that I had ADHD. So a lot of people would just be. 

Alyssa: They wouldn't know how to handle. 'cause I would think that it was just my anxiety or just my PTSD. But it wasn't so no meds were working for it. I didn't know how to control it. I didn't know how to handle it. And neither did other people that I was with. And so it actually ended a lot of relationships until. 

Alyssa: So I found someone who truly understood which I mean, technically that relationship's over two, 

Yelena: but not due to. You know, Do to them. Not [00:26:00] knowing how 

Alyssa: to handle. Right. Exactly. And I mean, I've done. I'm a lot to 

Yelena: handle. 

Alyssa: Right, right. But yeah, it definitely has gotten in the. Relationships friendships. Even daily life. I was. 

Yelena: I wonder if that cause. I'm currently going through a psychiatry. Appointments. And I am trying to figure out if I'm bipolar, cause like it comes off like that, but like how you're saying it. But I also could definitely have to be ADHD. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. So, I don't know. Well, 

Alyssa: I was supposed to go to my appointment today to get officially diagnosed with it and [00:27:00] everything. I mean my doctors and therapists and all that I've already said, oh yeah, You definitely have this pretty severe. But I was supposed to get like an actual diagnosis today. And yeah, I forgot what time. I forgot where 

Yelena: it wrote it down and then it didn't 

Alyssa: click in my head. 

Alyssa: One hour before. My appointment that 

Yelena: I'm. 

Yelena: So I rescheduled 

Alyssa: and that's the ADHD part of it, which is ironic because my ADHD brain got in the way of me going to be diagnosed with ADHD. 

Yelena: All of that, just to get to that point. 

Yelena: That's. 

Yelena: ADHD is very, very 

Alyssa: hard. My question. How did we get from first sexual relationships to. Talking about. ADHD. 

Yelena: Welcome to how podcasts work. Cause I'm about to change something. Right now to the whole thing that happened that [00:28:00] broke out, like within the last 24 hours about Andrew to eight. 

Yelena: And how he was a legit. Well, he was arrested on a legend. Human trafficking charges, him and his brother. And they were arrested in Romania. 

Yelena: And some different things. It keeps seeing that they're going to be holding it for like 30 days while they investigate them. And do you know, do you remember Gretta Foreign-born. She was that like 14 year old who was talking about the environment and gasses and stuff like that. Like she's really, really popular. And she. 

Yelena: She made a tweet. 

Yelena: Says Gretta mocks, Andrew Tate, after he was arrested in 

Alyssa: Romania. Like we 

Yelena: over at tip off theory from a Twitter of their fights. 

Yelena: So they had a, a Twitter fight. And it's. [00:29:00] The theory is that because of the trigger? Twitter to fight. That. 

Yelena: He contributed to his arrest. Okay. Yeah, she's a 19 year old activist. 

Yelena: And she so the feud escalated after bud moon told Tate to direct his concerns to quote unquote small Dick energy. Get a life.com. 

Yelena: That's okay. Not because it's 

Alyssa: directed towards. But just that statement is. Kind 

Yelena: of hilarious.

Yelena: I love it. And then it says which provoked a response from a video from tape. 

Yelena: And the tiny video who's given pizza boxes and told the person off the street to make sure they didn't get recycled. A dig at Thornbirds [00:30:00] activists activism. 

Yelena: But, yeah, so like, and so not long after that on Thursday, he was arrested at remaining authorities in. 

Yelena: Well, grass. 

Alyssa: Okay. With 

Yelena: generous. I can't say that as part of human trafficking 

Alyssa: investigation. So was he actually involved in human trafficking or. 

Yelena: A lot of things that within Twitter, like, okay. So the one thing Twitter is known for is investigating. Cause. Twitter has solved crimes over the years. Like people will have solved crimes on Twitter over years. 

Yelena: That some policemen couldn't. Like it's so drastic, like 

Alyssa: how crazy people can get like details of 

Yelena: investigations and details of like situations so quickly on Twitter. And like one of the things is that 

Yelena: Take light. Was part of. [00:31:00]

Yelena: As part of this human trafficking. Scene. Due to how he has other people around him treat the women, brings onto a show. Bring them on to around him. And there was quotes of women saying like they were forced to stay. And like, even like a police officer is being like, 

Alyssa: brought in about investigation to like it's. Big. 

Alyssa: This is like the first time I'm hearing about all this too. So yeah. 

Yelena: It's just, it's kind of blowing my mind. Yeah, like. It's crazy. And like I've been following a lot of This Andrew taste stuff due to his other podcasts or iWatch. His name is death noodles. 

Yelena: And let me sell you. 

Yelena: NEF went in. On him. And like so [00:32:00] many videos to the point that. Andrew Tate has him blocked on Twitter. 

Yelena: And, but it also comes down to the point. They could also be agitated. Look it up. Anything negative. With him and blocking people. Saying it. All right. Cause that's just how much. Misogynistic he is he's full of himself. 

Yelena: It's just us so bad. 

Yelena: I might not know all the details is going on, but right now they looks. Bad. 

Yelena: Let's roll bad. 

Yelena: But I'll pull back my comment. If He's not found guilty. Even though I wanted to be found guilty. Because all those women that have been around him, I feel terrible for. Right. No, 

Alyssa: I feel that. I'm going to have to look [00:33:00] more into this whole thing, because it's really intriguing. Tablet. 

Yelena: I do that. 

Alyssa: I'll do that.

Alyssa: You do. 

Alyssa: And just didn't want. 

Yelena: Oh, yeah. Yeah, you will. I am the 

Alyssa: kind of person that if something reminds me of a song, I instantly start singing it without even thinking. Yeah. 

Yelena: Just start Greg. Down every musical song you can possible. 

Alyssa: The one that pops in my head a lot, because whenever someone asks me what time it is, I instantly like it's that. [00:34:00] Yeah. 

Yelena: And. 

Yelena: So on a. We're going to detour completely off subject here. Cause you just reminded me of something. They have that song. Fortnight. 

Alyssa: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hmm, I need to. 

Yelena: So. Just to get to our topic. 

Yelena: What couples did you look up? You 

Yelena: could be in one close. We famous. 

Yelena: That's a 

Alyssa: really good question. I didn't really look up to much like celebrity couples. But the one couple, I didn't know that two was my great grandma and grandpa. Before they passed away. They were together for like 70 years and no matter what happened and their relationship. Whether it was something like. 

Alyssa: Crazy serious or just the littlest things. They were able [00:35:00] to talk through and work through anything and everything. And they never once thought about getting a divorce or separating or anything. Like that, that's what I want. That's what I've always wanted in my life. So it's like, I really idolize them. 

Alyssa: Plus my grandma was the sweetest woman. 

Alyssa: And so I looked up to her. But anyone else. Around me was like, Getting divorced in splitting up or constantly fighting, or it was an abusive relationship. And I really didn't pay attention to like the celebrity couples much because I'm the kind of person that if you tell me, oh, this name is really popular. 

Alyssa: I'm gonna stay away from it. Because I'm just that kind of asshole. Like, I don't want to go all mainstream. Like everyone else. Right. And that's just how I am. So the only couples I really had to look to where the people around me [00:36:00] personally. So, yeah. My great-grandparents, they were amazing. So full of love the way they looked at each other. 

Alyssa: Even in the last years of their lives, the way they would just look at each other, there's so much love and passion. It was just. I decided that's what I want. That is what I want in my life. 

Yelena: That's so crazy because I want the opposite direction. I was this associated. And like TV shows and cartoons. 

Yelena: Anything I could get my brain out of reality. So no one in my reality was any type of, couple I look up to. Like the parents always fought. What's that. I 

Yelena: won't get into it much, but the grandparents. The. The grandmother specifically on the father's side. She was not a good person. 

Yelena: But like I [00:37:00] looked up to dare. I say it. Saving. 

Yelena: I wanted. 

Yelena: Someone to protect me, but want me to do my own fights? Which what, basically what that was tuxedo mask will come in as soon as like, Like you saw me. He was like, 

Yelena: And. Darks of her mind getting beat up. He would just come in and then that would give him enough strength just to see him. Right. So like my was like, I wanted somebody to. Be there for me. But also allow me to be. 

Alyssa: Let you be independent, but are there. 

Yelena: Yeah. I feel that. 

Yelena: Yeah. So like I looked up to different animals, like bad. Like I did that with Tokyo. We need power. 

Yelena: Did you wash a. That's a big one. Like. [00:38:00]

Yelena: And then if you want to go to Slugly wise, 

Yelena: I was so hurt when this happened, but when Jennifer Gardner and, and, and What's his name? And athletic. When they broke up. I was heartbroken. That was my, that was my celebrity couple because I was obsessed with the movie Daredevil. We know. Everyone everywhere. Pizza. It's I. I can look back on it and see the terrible CGI of it and everything like that. And I can see it, but like, I was just so infatuated as a child with this movie 

Alyssa: that I can't get rid of that love 

Yelena: for the movie. 

Yelena: I can just see you, like finding out that these live. 

Yelena: It was, it was hard. It was hard. Like when celebrity couples break up, they. It's not just 

Alyssa: breaking 

Yelena: up. It's more of, Hey. Where now not going to be [00:39:00] this. Icon for you. So. Right. So. No. Couple I 

Alyssa: hate when people are like, I want a relationship 

Yelena: like that. 

Alyssa: I'm sure you had to guess though. Charlie Quinn and joker. 

Yelena: No, I'm a guy. It drives me nuts. 

Alyssa: Like jumper and Harley and I'm like, do you not understand that relationship then? I'm pretty sure. Trying to kill each other repeatedly. And he turned her psychotic. You really want to read relationship that makes you feel like you're psychotic. Right. Completely changes where you 

Yelena: are. 

Yelena: That's why I don't understand. Relationships with people. Constantly constantly fight. Like. The anxiety and just the. The feeling is. Just not good. Right. Why would you want [00:40:00] to feel like this all the time?

Alyssa: Yeah, no, I, it would build up so much anger and I feel like that's where it made it. The show 

Yelena: snap from. 

Yelena: 'cause like you 

Alyssa: get so much anger builds up and bottled up from all that argument and all that. Once the word. Tension. All the tension and everything, build it all up and then you're going to explode. Like throw it. Your ex is heading. I hope it 

Yelena: doesn't hit. So you don't 

Alyssa: get a murder 

Yelena: charge. 

Yelena: That was a greater way. But that one back around. That was good. 

Alyssa: Yeah. I don't know, or like, I feel like if you're just going to argue all the time like that, or cheat on your partner, just leave each other. You're not happy 

Yelena: anyways. 

Yelena: So back to my first time, my. My first time, the guy that I had my first son with. He ended up cheating on me and getting up my friend car. 

Yelena: Yeah. Oh, while we were in high school, [00:41:00] I was 16. She was 15. He was 19. She wasn't even the legal age of consent and it happened. Aye. Yeah. I don't even have 

Alyssa: words for that because I know how you feel. Yeah. I mean the age thing wasn't there, but like that, that goes into the story. I was talking about that should've been on. okay. But like I get in that there's so much hurt with that too. And like, and that's, 

Yelena: I mentioned he went right distracts about me. Like you trying to be the next. 

Yelena: M and M trying to be the next. 

Yelena: Are we colorblind? No, 

Alyssa: no. 

Yelena: But no. It is. 

Yelena: The. It sucks. [00:42:00] Cause. To be cheated on. Breaks that trust so hard. 

Alyssa: And if it's a relationship thing, Really committed to you and has been going on for awhile. It's so conflicted when you get cheated on, because it's like, I sent this person and spent all this time, all this time and energy on this person. And then they do this to me. Like, should I forgive them and try to move past it and live with that fear that they're going to do it over and over again, behind my back. 

Alyssa: Do I change the relationship to an open relationship so they can just go do whatever or do I leave them and break my own heart? Like it's like a lose, lose situation there. And I mean, there is some people who they realized they made a mistake. And they don't do it again in the relationship is fine. 

Alyssa: But the majority of the time, I feel like after you bitch, The relationships. Like either you don't have that [00:43:00] trust or live with that anxiety. 

Yelena: And then it's unsuit even if if it was a past relationship that traumatized you, that leads in to your current relationships. 

Yelena: Because, let me tell you my anxiety is all the time. Hi up thinking something's happening when there's no fucking proof or any evidence of anything happening. Right. But just because of my previous relationships, I'm always in that mindset. And I hate it. Hate it. Cause it just poisons 

Alyssa: me. I get that way too, especially if the relationship is going way too well. 

Alyssa: And 

Yelena: nothing stupid is happening. 

Alyssa: Automatically made scenarios in my head with what's going on. And I just 

Yelena: don't know. You know, why. We were raised in chaos. So we feel comfort in chaos. Yeah, so we want chaos subconsciously. [00:44:00]

Yelena: No that's sucks. It makes total sense. 

Alyssa: But why. 

Yelena: Oh, well, why does it have to happen to be, and I just have a normal. 

Alyssa: Normally, we'll see, please. But then I'd be that person to get that normalcy and be like, okay, this is boring. 

Yelena: All right. Thank you. Should wrap it up here shortly. Yeah. Any ending statements. I mean, So 

Alyssa: we talked about. Our first time. And the drama that have come that has come with sexual relationships or just relationships in general. Which is kind of interesting. I'm sure we'll be 

Yelena: talking about those more. Yeah. More. 

Yelena: Y. So, you know, we have multiple resolutions ships to get into. I just got into my only one that nearly killed me. Right. I just like barely skinned. I know. 

Alyssa: Right. I [00:45:00] guess the main thing I really want to 

Yelena: say. Median this chip right here. 

Alyssa: Like we have been through hell and back in our lives. Relationships or whatever else going out. 

Alyssa: I was a lot of interest in. Stories a lot of interesting things that have happened to less than. I'm just glad that I can share it with people. So they can relate. And really just kind of connected. I feel like they're not alone. 

Yelena: Exactly. That's why. Main reason I wanted to do this podcast. I've seen the benefits from podcasts. 

Yelena: From watching and myself. Again, I will drop his name again. Deaf noodles. He is one of he's like one of those people that actually interacts with his viewers. So like, I want to be like that. I want to have 

Alyssa: a community that I am able to help. All right. 

Yelena: And then. Oh, [00:46:00] Exactly. No. And that's episode. We should have an Phan email up so that you guys can send any emails of your stories, you know, your drama. And anything. And you will be able to hear your stories that you read out loud at the end of the show. 

Yelena: And then also for our next episode, we're going to be talking about the, how the two thousand influence us sexually. 

Yelena: I like TV shows were. Like. Had an audience that they wanted and they, they got it. I'll tell you that. Or how, like what sites. Influence everything like it's, it's going to be a good one. We've got to get into oh. All of that influence us. There's going to be fun. 

Yelena: All right. We'll catch you guys later. Thank you for listening to the Vixen vine. I'm [00:47:00] Alaina. And I'm Alyssa. Byebye